Tuesday, November 20, 2018

My Spouse Strayed; Why I Stayed VOLUME 1

“My covenants meant more to me than the mistakes. It hurts and you wonder how you’ll ever love again, but we have four children and they deserve their mother AND their father­čśč They deserve to see us work through every challenge, because I’m today’s world, you won’t escape life without challenges. These challenges get uglier and uglier, and I want to teach my kids how to make it through. How to fight. How to survive. Not how to quit. Quitting has eternal consequences. That hurts more to think about.”

Ive began speaking with people about their triumph over infidelity.
This is a hot topic to debate.
Some think “That’s the end!” If their spouse cheats.
Others think “If they’re sorry, we will work it out.”
Then there’s the inevitable “I’ll never love you, but we are staying together for the kids.”

What do you think you’d do? I promise. You won’t. 
You think you’d walk away because you need to send some sort of message.
You need to “love yourself” enough to walk away from eternal covenants.

I’m not going to say it shouldn’t EVER happen.
Holy cow, it should and it will if God makes it known to you!
Heavenly Father is BY DEFAULT guiding a covenant marriage. If HE IN HIS ALL KNOWING WISDOM knows the marriage shall end. he will make it manifest.
The rest of the time, I’m pretty sure
“For time and all eternity”
Means...
For time.
And.
All.
Eternity.

Ready for the ugly part?
That includes...BIG FAT MISTAKES.

I know so many people (more than not) who have triumphed over infidelity.
I literally have only met two couples. TWO. I repeat, two, who have not faced infidelity in one form or another (and I won’t be asking because I don’t want to know, unless others choose to share) The thing is, whether we like it or not, it’s the new thing. It’s the new “whoops”.
Whoops I smoked a cigarette.
Whoops I skipped school.
Whoops I lied to a cop about how fast I was going.
Whoops I cheated on my spouse.

Cheating is defined by the couple.
I know couples in very open relationships who accept sexual relations outside of the marriage as long as the couple discusses it first.
Know couples who consider pornography cheating.
Whatever you base your marriage vows on, stands.

In a covenant marriage, it’s defined by the laws of chastity as explained in the temple recommend interview. (We know what they are)
Still, why then do so many people stray?
Then, excuse their behavior?

I’m lost on that, but I know it’s time to start offering support and speaking out about the sneaky, elephant in the room.
No more shaming spouses who “stick it out”.
Are you kidding????
Those people are AMAzing!!
They deserve aooo many blessings for honoring their TRI-covenant vow. Yep, the three way promise between them, their spouse. And GOD! Which remains in tact as long as the marriage (sealing) is in tact.
These blessings are tremendous. Huge.
And when kids are involved...it’s a whole different story.
Celestial families do not deserve to be broken up.

When a marriage is abusivo or toxic, Heavenly Father will help guide a separation. We must always also offer support to people who’ve divorced and lost eternal marriages. Nothing hurts worse, not even the death of a spouse. Death has been defeated. Christ overcame death. People will live again forever. But divorce? Divorce shatters “eternity” it shatters “dreams” it shatters hearts.

Stay tuned for more stories, and feel free to submit your own!
Your “Why I Stayed” might only be “Why I stayed for 20 years...and then left.”
I still want to know.
We are still here for you.

Anonymous inquiries
Brittanyshannon.author@gmail.com
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Thursday, November 15, 2018

Great Loves

Today I’m going to write about Great Loves.

Writers are good at telling stories, and telling our own is sometimes hard.
Recently, I’ve been having dreams about each of my Great Loves.
I’m kind of a person who believes nothing is a coincidence.
It leaves me wondering: What does this mean? What can I learn from this?

Each of my Great Loves has become a deep part of who I am. I believe that’s why I’ve had one dream about each of them recently. I think my soul searching is reminding me of how I became who I am today.

Let me add that I’m not a creeper who has fantasies about loving other people — I’m
Very committed to my marriage! Dude.
But I’d be discriminating against my heart if I didn’t acknowledge the Great Loves that influenced me, that brought me into this sense of person and woman that I am.
I am very confident in myself and my situation, which gives me freedom to discuss these past Great Loves with fondness and nostalgia and appreciation.

I’m also lucky because I don’t think many people have had the opportunity to have several Great Loves. Maybe you don’t even believe it’s possible. Maybe you’re a die hard romantic who believes in only loving one person evvvvveeerrrr. I believe in loving one person. Ever. At a time. It doesn’t mean I’ve only experienced loving one person. Ever. I’m insanely loyal, and my Great Loves didn’t overlap. Nor will they ever.
Each Great Love was a unique experience, and they’re memories I cherish.
In honor of these experiences and the dreams I’ve had lately, I’m going to touch on them.

My first Great Love began in seventh grade. I know. Crazy young and naive. It will sound silly but it lasted most of my teenage years and was mostly long distance. We wrote love letters. If you’ve never experienced writing love letters, it might not sound very intimate, but it established an intense Great Love that became easily one of my favorite youth memories. We could tell each other anything, but this relationship built on writing posed a problem.
My Great Love ended because nothing physical ever became of it. Living long distance, I went to visit one time with this fantasy that I was going to be swept of my feet and proposed to, (I was that in love) but The vacation passed, and I ended up not even being kissed. I know it had a lot to do with how shy the guy was, but I needed more. My heart had to move on. So, after over five years of loving greatly, I closed that chapter without having been on a single date.
I learned I needed someone who wasn’t ashamed of loving me, that would sweep me off my feet, and would physically dote on me.


Great Love number two was during a period between eighteen to twenty one years old. I didn’t know you could love someone more than oxygen. Oh, the flattery! Poems & flowers. I didn’t know passion could be as delightful high as it was horrific low. We had a storybook romance. Met on the beach during spring break. Had everything in common. Loved music. Danced in the streets in the rain. Couldn’t live without each other. Fought the most explosive battles one could dream of. It was inTOXICating. Poisonous. Explosive. Abusive. I lost my soul trying to please a person who could not be pleased. From a Religious perspective, we went down separate paths. You can feed one of two wolves: he fed the bad wolf. Walking away from this Great Love was walking away from oxygen. That part of me died.
I learned I needed someone who wasn’t going to abuse me, cheat on me, lie to me, or disrespect me.

Another Great Love came about from a teenage friendship. It was a premortal kind of love that I’ve never experienced. I knew I knew this person in the preexistence. I felt it. There was something special there. Because we met at thirteen years old and became friends, and I had this otherworldly knowledge of being friends in the premortal life, it was the longest love I’ve known. It was also the most tragic. At twenty one, soul searching, trusting no one, I turned to the friend I’d known the longest throughout my life. We loved each other in many ways. I couldn’t place it, I just knew it was an insanely strong bond. Because of this confusion, I kept thinking “Loving Him” meant “romance”.
It didn’t.
Turns out my love was so powerful because it was very maternal and sisterly. However we knew each
 other in heaven before we came to earth, it was not meant for us to sail off into the sunset together. By this stage in my life, I had more self confidence, had become fiercely independent, was probably the most attractive I’ve ever been physically, and had adopted a “take no crap from nobody” attitude, which didn’t work well with someone who had a temper, substance abuse issues, and raging jealousy. It was a “let me try to save you” relationship, and I couldn’t save him.
I learned I cannot be someone’s “Savior”, only Jesus Christ can, and they have to want to change for themselves, not just for you.

The last Great Love came when I was finally maturing into adulthood. I had a pretty good sense of what I wanted (thanks to all my experience). I am fortunate that I’ve never just “dated around”. I’ve always been in serious relationships because that’s who I am. I give my heart ENTIRELY to whoever I’m with, and if I don’t see it happening, I didn’t even go on a “first date”.
I was finally smart enough to say what I wanted and needed, articulate emotions, sacrifice personal agendas, make compromises, and settle into “the long haul.”
This meant, come what may, I am in it to the end.
I found a partner that compliments me, that is a fantastic co parent, who is on the same religious level, and enjoys the same activities.
We work through differences.
We hardly ever fight.
We are best friends.
I’ve learned what I need is a teammate, someone who will never give up, always work side by side, and find joy in the journey.

I’m so so happy I’ve had Great Loves, and that I can look back on them (and all their ups and downs—and obvs I’ve never been perfect either) with gratitude.
I’ve had several other Great Loves that weren’t the romantic kind, like my Sister Wife who I’d literally marry if anything happened to my husband!! I also had a gay friend whom I loved deeply for a while, and felt like “soul sistas” with him. (It was one sided LOLS...so we “broke up”)
I love my siblings like crazy. Literally. And I LOVE MY KIDS more than every word in the English language can possibly describe.
I love love.

I love it so much I am very picky with who I give it to. There are times when I take it away from someone because I can’t afford to give it anymore. I reserve it. My love is special.
Love makes the world go around.
It shouldn’t be treated like a flavor of ice cream of seasonal coffee.
It should be wisely distributed and used for good.
It should NOT be expressed as lust, control, or codependence.


I learn more about myself by my experiences with Great Love, and would enjoy hearing your stories should you choose to share them with me.
Thankful Thursday!
And Happy Thanksgiving