Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Girl on Girl: Oppression

Girl on Girl

YEAH...sorry, it’s not what you think.
I’m here to discuss the ugly little truths behind “girl on girl: oppression”.
Mostly because I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and having received some comments or been a part of discussions revolving around this topic, I figured instead of annoying Instagram followers with a novel post with straight opinions, I’d vent them here for anyone who is interested.

So this hot thang me.
Twenty something me.
A fit, cute, fashionable girl.
I’ve spent most of my life (fourth and fifth grade excluding) as a pretty attractive female. My youth I was dangerously insecure, but others found me good looking. Then, in young adulthood, I blossomed. I was filled with confidence and thought I had it pretty good. This isn’t to say appearance was a given. I worked my tail of to be in shape, and loved exercise. I’m a hairdresser, so naturally my hair was always in tip top shape. I enjoyed dressing up and wearing makeup (but don’t let that fool you—I’m always the first to get dirty) but all of these things led to a strange and undesirable conclusion:

MEN: Gosh, she’s every guy’s dream.
WOMEN: I hate her.

This isn’t a pity party. And those of you who’ve hated another girl won’t easily admit it, but I will. I’ve only hated girls who’ve had more than me, in areas I always wanted more of.
(Height, chest, voice, etc)
Not recently, of course, but my younger more immature self was defiant and oppressive to other women. Ironically, I faced that oppression. Day in, and day out. For almost two decades.

Why is it a girl can call herself fat and ugly, and the world will respond with sympathy, and “Hang in there, girl!!” Comments??
If a girl calls herself skinny and pretty it’s an open casting call for Biggest Troll and Hater.
I find it interesting. That even the insecure women don’t realize they are in fact a part of the oppressive movement, simply by the way they respond to more confident women.

Part of being confident isn’t just showing off what you have (though you certainly have the right) it’s helping others see what they don’t see in themselves, TOO. It’s lifting those around you. It’s being a voice for the strong woman, lending self esteem boosters to those around you who need them.

There will STILL and haters who read this and think, “I don’t feel sorry for you one bit.”
That’s fine.
Don’t feel sorry that I’ve never been respected by men.
(Or women..straight ones who are insecure or gay ones who “want me”)
That older men hit on me when I was under age and solicited me.
That high school boys were vying for who could “get in my pants” first. (None did)
That men out at dance clubs or bars never treated me with honor or tried to get to know a single thing about me.
That I’ve been cheated on by every man I’ve been in a relationship with.
That I’m viewed as a sex object, and if I don’t meet the unrealistic sex expectation, I’m considered a huge disappointment. (Believe me, I’ve tried to meet them ALL)
I’m thrown into a category of “vain and materialistic” because of my love of fitness and my career choice of cosmetology.
That I’ve been asked to show up “not so pretty.”
That I’ve actaully had to downplay my appearance for the Salem of others, including not wearing makeup (even “ugly” girls were wearing), wear baggy clothes, or in the presence of pervy men I’ve had to go “ugly” so as to not attract unwanted sexual advances.
That other girls think I “have it easy” because I’m “pretty” or “skinny”.
That anytime I try to succeed in a career atmosphere I’m hit on by a superior.
That behind EVERY MALE friend of mine is a scathing female partner ready to claw my eyes out (and yes, I’ve gotten scathing emails from wives of my male friends before-one even accusing me of having an affair with her husband simply by liking a picture publicly on Facebook...and I quote” if you were ugly I wouldn’t have worried”.) which is doubly ironic, because men never cheat up. And I think there are plenty of very happy, healthy, feminine women out there with “less attractive” looks...with just as much appeal to cheaters.
That I can’t even smile in the direction of a man, or offer a compliment to a complete stranger, male or female, without being called a “flirt”.
That I’ve been sexually abused.
That I’ve been told if I were sexy all the time, I’d get more acting jobs.
That I was approached at a gathering by a gay woman and the first thing she said to me was, “Take your shirt off!” (Not, what’s your favorite color? Or, tell me something interesting about yourself?)
That I’m not considered attractive unless I wear certain clothing or makeup.
That most women (even close friends) end up destroying our relationships due to envy and jealousy.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for you.

We all have our load to carry. Mine isn’t difficult, and I wouldn’t change it. I’m just offering insight into this world of girl on girl oppression others (namely those trolling on the attractive).
My thirtieth birthday brought a huge relief for me.
I saw it as leaving those twenties and those “hot years” behind.
It was relaxing.
Less pressure,
I don’t have to meet anyone’es Expectations anymore.
I’m not the “hot thang” wherever I go.
Sure, sometimes I’m the beautiful woman, but I’m a woman now. An “old lady” with three kids and wrinkles who isn’t just a sex object. I’m not as despised by women around me, and I’m not as lusted after by men. I have been able to feel pretty again, and wear makeup to church h without being the recipient of scowls from other ladies in the building who “don’t have time to workout or get ready.”
That’s stinks.
I do.
I do workout.
I do get ready (usually).
I have the right to show it, own it, be proud of it. I also have the right to demand respect for it.

All women, no matter their self confidence, no matter their size, should not be a contributing factor in the oppression of girls. Women should be building one another up. We should be standing strong, as a united front. No size, shape, or color is the definition of beauty. My use of the term “ugly” has been strictly for descriptive purposes, and I truly believe no individual is “ugly”, but unique and beautifully different.  It’s up to us to accept who we are and be the best versions of ourselves without comparisons. Without hate.

Much love to ya, and to the next generation of “hot thangs”: good luck, sistas!!

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