It's funny looking back... Even though I seemed to "have it all", I couldn't help but compare myself to others and always want MORE. The more I focused on self-gain, the less my personal life went right. I mean, really dumb, dumb things would happen that some people would label as "karma". Yep. It totally was. When you're out to see yourself succeed, you aren't really cautious about who or what you push out of the way to get there. While I've been a Christian my whole life, and like to think I've always been a good person, it doesn't mean I've always acted my best. Fame and fortune is just a fairytale. Any person of real talent--Elvis, Michael Jackson, Norma Jean, will tell you so...
This habit of seeking temporal applause and exceeding any mortal goal hadn't proven to yield much joy and peace. I am one of the most anxious souls I've ever met. I am plagued with doubt and unease. My drive and passion led me to many grand endeavors and I am forever thankful for those experiences, but what I'm most thankful for are my hardships. The person I am now has been refined and sculpted by careful, knowing, intelligent hands. The girl I once was, the singer the dancer the pianist the athlete the writer the entertainer...has found a new purpose.
I'm letting God work through me and listening to the promotings of the Holy Spirit when I make parenting decisions and guess what? I've uncovered a new talent. Being a freaking rocking mom!
I've also had the opportunity to participate in several videos the will be broadcast worldwide. They shine light on the topic of addiction recovery and bring people closer to Christ. This program is called the Addiction Recovery Program, and it is a similar 12 step program to AA. With special permission, the writers approached Bill (who founded the AA program) and the LDS church modified it to pertain specifically to Christ and His atonement. I recently filmed a segment talking about my experience as the spouse of an addict--when I was married to my first husband. In a selfish way, this was very therapeutic to me--I have prayed many times to keep my heart's intent pure. I hope to reach many lives and help many people. I want others who have gone through this to know there IS hope, and there IS a purpose. There is a reason, and you can use it for your better. I promise. The Lord's refiner's fire is REAL. It is NECESSARY. Being bitter and angry about trials is the adversary's way. God is testing us, but He is always there with a solution and a REASON. Then, when you have given your will over to His, and chosen right over wrong, He will bless you--as He has ME!
Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you." My story is now almost completely "told." Parts of it will be visible in this video when it is produced, and the rest of it will be distributed when my first book is published (which will be this summer) A piece of my soul is within each character.