Thursday, September 18, 2014

How to become confident...& why it matters


There is a huge misconception about what it means to be confident.
Because I'm a woman, this is going to be from a female perspective, but bear in mind it goes both ways.
First...
When you hear someone say they are confident, what immediately comes to mind? That's what I thought. You judged them. This image of a girl sitting in her bathroom sink, wearing nothing but a tiara as she puckers her lips and bats her eyelashes came to mind.
Here's the problem. This is your insecurity, not their confidence being an issue. I can promise you one thing. Any woman that is confident doesn't have the time to stand in front of a mirror and bat her eyes. Sit on that one for a sec.
Did hoards of sexy selfies come to mind? Yep, those women are seeking approval. There's nothing wrong with this, Heck I've done it too. So, from a girl whose been there, I can say this honestly. The need for acceptance and compliments demonstrates a lack of self confidence. The scale varies from woman to woman, but yes, it is there.
Now, I may not be the MOST confident woman in the world, but I've definitely axed my biggest insecurities as of late. Let me first tell you how, then why it was important, and finally the benefits of this newfound quality. Before I got married, I got into the best shape of my life. I was lookin reaaaaaaaal fine, tightly toned, my smallest size, rocking a bikini everywhere. However, during this time I tended to be more of the selfie taker. I fished for compliments more. Even if I felt like I was having a good hair day, I needed others to tell me it too. I spent so much time basing my mood off of what others thought about me, that I was dying by their rejection. Okay, that was dramatic, but you get the picture. It took me a while, but incrementally I started to change the way I saw myself. If people weren't going to notice my hair, or my cute little bum, with me shoving it in their face, then it really served no purpose shoving it in their face. And, the only person I really care to look good for is my husband. Granted, I'm a girl, and lookin cute in a room full of girls is still a temptation for me, I don't let it control me.
The big change took place when I got pregnant. Hot body went to hell. And I gave birth to the most beautiful creature ever. (She's really a tyrant, but shh. Don't tell her) my recovery was so dang difficult that I was laid out for 3 weeks and not allowed to exercise for 8. I am not a complainer, especially about pain. If I say I am hurting, I am in God awful pain!! Its amazing how long (ten years) you can work on your muscle and how quickly (two months) it can all disappear.
Anyway, with so much on my plate as a new Mom, and a working mom, I had so little time for grooming regimens. Seriously. We are talking once a week hair washing, once a month shaving, No makeup, hair in puke dread locks, clothes stained with puke, and just puke everywhere. It was awesome. And rejuvenating. I've never worried less about my appearance, and yet I've never felt so in control of myself.
This is very important for women to realize, and I wish there was a way for them to realize it sooner. To be frank, girls don't get all primped to catch a guy's attention. No. They get dazzled to be prettier than all the other girls. It's the truth! Why? Because we are in a cycle of self-conscious smack downs. We are insecure as a female race.
It is okay to have a few flaws. That is normal. Part of being confident is being okay with these flaws. This is where we go back to the beginning when I asked you what you thought about people who say, "I'm just confident." The real meaning behind this is as follows:
A confident person knows what they have and what they don't.
A confident person knows what they can do and what they can't.
A confident person is happy regardless.
Here is my example.
I know I have a petite body. (I was born that way. Haters gonna wish I will someday blow up into a size 15. That will never happen. Sorry.)
I do not have long, lithe legs. ( I am five feet tall.)
I know I can sing okay, write okay, play the piano, hit a volleyball, sketch, do hair, and dance. (I'm very artistic~ good genes I guess)
I cannot add, do anything that has to do with chemistry, slalom waterski, play any sport that involves swinging at a projectile orb, or sleep good at night.
That's just a few, but the point is in regard to these things, I live a fairly happy life. I am a confident person. Do I stare at myself 24/7 and think, Dayemgurl!
Nu-uh.
Do I wallow in pity because I have cellulite?
Maybe sometimes.
No, I get up and do some yoga and understand I will never be 6 feet tall...and I will ALWAYS have to work on my figure because of my metabolism. (Squat=muscle=strength =power! )
Am I Mariah Carey? Not even close. But I can carry a tune alright. 
For the life of me, I cannot golf. I'm the world's worst golfer. That I can officially brag about. Where's my trophy?
What I'm getting at is it is okay to know yourself. This is a content, confident person. This is what we should all strive to be. A woman who knows herself inside and out, and only compares herself to who she was yesterday. You find more inner peace, and struggle less with the competition of facing your peers. You will be more happy.

This is why it is SO important to find an inner confidence, not at all the same thing as being perfect, because be true with yourself. How unhappy are people that are obsessed with their negative attributes?  Or obsessed with other people's? Which is a huge flaw in and of itself. When you find an inner peace, a self-assurity, you live a more fulfilling life. You will not only be more patient and happy with yourself, but with other people and their shortcomings. It is a cycle of success.

This is NOT to be confused with self-absorbed or conceited behavior. A self-absorbed person is more than likely depressed and has low self-esteem. If you don't know what conceited means, look it up in the dictionary. It might be next to taking too many selfies  jk. But really. There is nothing wrong with being confident, and no it does not mean you are automatically stuck up. In fact the two RARELY cross paths. Ponder that. Happy people don't need approval.

The most confident people I admire aren't necessarily the world's version of beautiful or skinny or talented, but to me they embody absolute peace of mind and self satisfaction. They may gain a few pounds here or there, or cry because someone honked at them on the road, but all in all they lead a life of joy. Ever since I realized this, I've strived so very hard to be it. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that drive me crazy about myself at times. Totally normal. Some are physical, some are mental. To be blunt, the majority of mine are not physical. ..What matters is I don't let them pilot my happy plane.

You'd be surprised how many clients sit in my chair at the salon with a picture of Jennifer Aniston in their hand and say, "I wanna look just like her."

Fabulous. May I suggest a plastic surgeon?
I tear off the portion of the picture below the bust, cover Jen's face with a thumb, and say, "This is what I can do for you today, minus the windblown still shot affect. Is that ok? "
I try so very hard to make people feel good about themselves, while straddling the fence of helping them also be happy with who they are.

In conclusion, I'd just like to forewarn you. Unhappy people really don't like happy people. It sucks. So when you acquire this new and beloved self confidence, beware of the hidden demon in all of your jealous friends. I've seen the ugly green face of an envious woman many, many times, and that is not to brag. Girls don't envy my voice, (I repeat, I am no Mariah Carey) but they envy my ability to fearlessly get on a stage and sing. They don't envy my looks. They envy the fact that I go out in a pony tail and makeup free face...and don't get treated any differently!~sometimes even hit on~ I don't have a gym membership. Pregnancy also gave birth to varicose veins. I have horrible sun scarring. I'm way too vain about my teeth to barf up all my food. I joke about needing botox. ..never had it. Weightloss supplements freak me out. I haven't colored my hair in over a year. (I'd like an applause for that)  And I'm working on being meek and humble, which always pisses someone off. They be like, "oh, so you think you're so naturally beautiful, you don't need make up? !" Wait...what the?

Bottom line: people are lame. Just joking. Sort of. I'm lame too, for saying that. But really the lame thing is how lame people are about happy people.

 I am a confident person and people with low self esteem tend to find that irksome. I want women to know that they should not be afraid of their talents, or their lack thereof. They should also not be afraid of losing friendships because of the happiness find.
Sidenote: miserable people are toxic. Back away slowly...
It's kinda silly and backwards, how we as a society punish the successful and proud and merry. When in reality, it is just because they have what we don't. I can say that from my heart, because I have come to terms with the fact that the only time I really harbored a bad feeling towards someone was when I was jealous deep down. You'll realize that too, one day, when you find your inner confidence 
Women, be happy with who you are. God has graced you with many abilities. Magnify those and forget trying to be someone you're not.
"No amount of physical change can cover up insecurity."
By Brittany Shannon