Sunday, August 31, 2014

Getting Fit After Having A Baby

I just wanted to share with all the women out there my journey to getting healthy after having my baby. I've known too many people who slipped into their skinny jeans a month after delivering, and then LOST weight by breast feeding. I did not experience this. Nor did I face any genetic miracle. No, the size and weight I'm at now is due to 5 months of strict WORK!

The first few pictures are at 2 months postpartum. At the time, I wasn't too focused on losing weight because I was struggling with milk production. But after a few weeks of not feeling myself, and not losing a pound by nursing, I decided to start a very disciplined diet. I also incorporated mild exercise. No heavy cardio. The combination helped me get back into my jeans and tone up a little in a moderate and realistic pace. The last pictures are at 5 months postpartum. 

There is so much pressure for women to look like a million bucks after birth, but the truth is every body is different. I am not blessed to have a figure I don't have to work for, which at this point I am thankful for. I appreciate my health so much more because I have to work so very hard for it.

Girls, women, don't stress too much if your body does strange things after you have a baby. Heck, mine still has fat pockets in the strangest places and I'm pretty sure I could stretch my stomach to China....but I FEEL good again. I feel confident again. I can be proud of where I'm at and love the body I'm in as much as the one I created.

Please share your success stories and weight loss journeys so we may empower other women. Getting slim and fit should be a personal process. Never compare your fitness routine or diet to someone else's, unless it is in a healthy competitive form. Your diet and work outs will need to be individualized for your specific body and metabolism. Remember, there is no need to have anxiety about your body and losing weight right after delivery a beautiful baby. Focus and be happy, it will all come with some dedication, time, and effort.

Friday, August 29, 2014

My Volunteer Work: Addiction Recovery Program

I've mentioned it before, but I thought I'd go into a little more detail a out my volunteer work as a facilitator for the Addiction Recovery Program. The ARP is ran by LDS family services, although it is not specific to the LDS religion. It is a 12 step program where you can go to meetings and receive love and support for addictions and families of addicts.
I got my badge a month ago, but I've been going to the meetings a long time. Actually, my introduction to ARP began in 2008. It is strange, because I didn't know at the time that the meetings I was attending were in fact ARP meetings. Again, I've mentioned my previous marriage before, so I'll be brief, but I would attend the Addiction meeting for spouses while my spouse was in the other meeting for men addicted to pornography. I was 19 at the time and as broken as can be. I sat in the back, sobbing...like snot running, squeaking noises sobbing. I didn't read, I didn't share, I didn't participate. I was so hurt and in pain I didn't even realize what the program was all about. I only went a handful of times. Fast forward to 2014, and I decided I wanted to do volunteer work. I've always wanted to be a part of something huge...and life changing. When my parents got involved, I decided this was right for me. I only have to sacrifice an hour or two a week which will be easy as a new mom, and I'll get to meet all these new wonderful people who are trying to be better. I went through all 12 steps (12 weeks)  to finish my training and voila, I am an official facilitator.
I wanted to share how much I love being a part of the ARP program, and why I think it is so good for EVERYONE. This will probably take several long blog posts because I have so much to say about it! I've learned so much about myself, so much about gratitude, and seeing others in the struggles they face has made me appreciate life so much more. I have had a ton of experience with addicts, which I can talk about in future posts, but this experience in ARP is unlike any other. These people truly want to change. Some of them even have. There are people from all walks of life, All demographics, and all ages. Some are battling current addictions and some have been in recovery a long time. But the amazing thing is they all showed up for their ARP meeting. Hearing their stories really puts things into perspective. I can't believe there is so much love and camaraderie where I didn't know it could exist. I genuinely Believe every human being can benefit from the 12 steps, regardless of whether or not they have a physical addiction. In fact, the 12 steps are currently helping me face anxiety and depression issues. It is such a magnificent program, I just thought I'd spread the word a little ☺
Next time, I'll share some personal experiences. In the meantime, if you struggle with an addiction, physical or mental, ARP is totally worth a shot. I promise. They are global and free. Don't be afraid to check them out.
 

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Losing Baby Weight, Not Your Mind

If you've read my other posts, you know I recently had a baby. She's almost five months old and the joy of my life. I went into my pregnancy blissfully happy, and enjoyed every stage of it until about the last three weeks. I was working 50 hour weeks until my due date, and I went into labor that night. She was born the next day. It was all such a wonderful experience. I gained a healthy 37lbs, exercised my whole pregnancy, and was feeling pretty confident I would bounce right back into my tightly muscled, size zero body.

This was not the case.
(Read my post 50 hilarious truths about motherhood for further details)

You know, I talked to many family and friends who had had babies, and asked their experiences in hopes of motivating myself. For the most part, I compared myself to them. The women who lost their baby weight in 4 weeks, and THEN SOME, led me to believe I could be like them. This set me up for failure.

6 weeks postpartum, I had shed 17lbs of the baby weight, but I was retaining these strange pockets of fat I'd never had before. Because of my rough delivery, I wasn't allowed to exercise until my 8 week mark. My body went to mush. Once proud of my 14% body fat, I was now entirely covered in cellulite. Even on my calves and shoulders...you tell me how that is possible! It was such a disappointment.

I picked up my fitness routine, doing only mild cardio since I faced another challenge of producing breast milk. But I kicked up my weight training and expected to see some results. Interestingly, I lost more weight, but it was muscle tone. My arms and legs, and even tummy area, are still floppy. No matter what. Yoga, Pilates, Boflex...Nope. I have too much progesterone.

What I'm getting at is women should not ever compare their bodies to someone else's. There will be that one girl you know who drops her baby weight and even a few extra pounds, just from breastfeeding in those first few weeks, but it is important to understand that these women are the exception, not the rule.

I took it so hard when my body didn't bounce back. And sure, 5 months into my Postpartdum I am back in my regular jeans, but my body in no way looks the way it did pre-baby. My hips are bigger, my boobs are saggier, and my tummy ripples when I sit. Oh, and I have varicose veins. This is normal and we should be able to talk about it.

I hope any woman reading this can feel support and know that it is completely normal to take a healthy period of time losing baby weight. In addition, we should all be aware of the changes our bodies undergo during and after pregnancy. I mean, we just grew a human! Inside of us! And that was the easy part. When we gave birth to them, our bodies performed a miracle.

Don't be like me. I lost my mind instead of losing baby weight. I beat myself up over it. I felt insecure. I would look at pictures of me on my honeymoon, my toned legs and six pack abs, but the truth is it is unrealistic to expect that so soon. Be jealous for like 5 seconds of those girls who got skinny in a jiff, and then move on. Honestly, they are probably jealous of you for something you aren't aware of. You must take into consideration your genetics. Every pregnancy is different and every Postpartdum is individualized. My genes told me I was going to be dimply and fluffy, and that it would probably take me 9 months to get off what it took me 9 months to gain.

When I accepted this, I began to look at myself in a much more gentle light. I felt beautiful again. And I appreciated my baby more. I am so lucky to even be the size that I am. Its okay if I require harder exercise to be fit again, because hard work never hurt anybody!

Love the body you're in as much as the one you created!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I've joined Bloglovin!

Check out my blog posts on Bloglovin 💛
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12709219/?claim=fy45arkvyru">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Saturday, August 2, 2014

The Happy Challenge


How happy are you...really?

There is some truth to, "fake it till you make it". I won't deny the effects of a positive attitude. But just for a moment, I want you to dig deep and ask yourself the question: how happy am I?

So you have post it notes around your house with tons of quotes about inspiration and enthusiasm and excellence and you grab your Starbucks and head to work feelin jazzy. Every single one of your Facebook updates reminds the world of your perfect life, with your perfect husband/wife, and your perfect kittens (or children). You're smiling in every one of your pictures. You are the life of the party at social gatherings. Your family and friends come to you about their struggles...because you've, "got it together"  and they need your advice.

Maybe this is really you.

But it probably isn't.

Happiness goes SO much deeper than any outward appearance. It even goes deeper than just trying to be happy.  Consider this: there is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.

You can force a smile on those extra grumpy days, or bury your stresses with coping mechanisms such as food, drink, shopping, sports, or vacations. Sometimes this is a necessary~ but temporary~ fix. Everyone needs a break. A little pick me up. However, the truth is nothing will ever make you happy if you don't solve the underlying issue. And nine times out of ten, the harder you try to cover up any pain or insecurity you are facing, the more you will exploit it. Those people that are superlative in their happiness for all the world to see, ALL OF THE TIME, are usually the most miserable.

Now, it is good and absolutely acceptable to have things, possessions, that make you feel happy. But they are just things. They should be an additional BOOST to your residing joy in life, not what determines it. Travelling and going on vacation should be a huge stress relief, providing you with a brief mental escape from the hustle and bustle of the rat race, but if you can't handle day to day anxieties without having a panic attack, isn't something out of balance? We are all hamsters in the wheel. We all face predicaments and obstacles and hardships. No one is exempt, whether you think they are or not. This is part of the facade. The people you think live flawless lives do not. And if someone has never faced the torture of heartbreak, trust me, they will. Maybe you faced it first, but no one escapes life unscathed. They will fall, hard, and it will be crippling, whether they try to hide it or not.

*'Never compare your worst inside to someone else's best outside.*'

Why do people feel the need to put on a fake front? This is an interesting aspect of society we will never really know. Everything is a competition, a success or a failure, based on what those around you do. Weight, physical appearance, finances, these are all major issues where humans feel constantly unqualified, less than equal, insecure, hopeless, and dejected. It is within these issues we see the largest fraud. People have a hard time letting the world see them as weak or vulnerable, which is ironic because everyone is. Even your hero. Great leaders don't become great leaders by inexperience. Part of a confident bearing is accepting all flaw and errors made, while trying to work towards a better you. And that better you should NEVER EVER be measured against someone else's. I mean, that is just ludicrous.

Hate to break it to you, but anxiety and depression are two of the most commonly misdiagnosed disorders. (Feel free to get as angry about that as you please) I can genuinely back that up with medical proof from a medical professional that I know and trust and think is smarter than anyone else in the healthcare industry if you want, but this isn't a medical post. The truth is we as a human race have become so adapted to a victim society, and there is so much we do to cover up and smash and hide and dope our personal problems, we are kind of forgetting how we are actually supposed to handle them. This makes us perpetually unhappy. You can make your own judgements, as you have the freedom to do, but I believe and most psychological reports will confirm that no amount of pill, beverage, purchase, or surgical procedure will mask a private pain. Basically, it will not make you happy. Ever. And you will be pumping prescription pills into your body, damaging your liver, going under the knife for plastic surgery time and time again, or shelling out cash and damaging your bank account, all without ever finding a lasting solution. Its a crutch. A cop out.

Real depression and real anxiety are TOTALLY different than getting flashes of saddness, feelings of overwhelming stress, fluctuating heart rhythms, and the desire to always sleep. News flash: EVERYONE feels that way all the time.

I don't think anyone looks in the mirror and thinks they are the prettiest person on the planet. But there is no one mold for beauty, despite what Hollywood may say. Surgery may make you look like someone else's version of pretty, but it won't heal your heart. Take a good long hard look at your self, what you want to fix, and why, before making irreversible decisions.  (think about the medieval time period, where none of these, "solutions" were available....and ask yourself how they managed. Obviously, there was still love, and so much passion. Those people valued life, truly. What changed?)

It is the easy route to turn to shopping, or vacationing, or medication. Because reevaluating your life and exposing your hurts is excruciating, sometimes embarrassing, and it means you have to be a big grown up and deal with issues without codependency.

Now, if you have the financial means to buy luxury things, and this means without depriving your family of essentials or going into debt, by all means rent that yacht in Ibiza for a week and drink Don Perigon. More power to you.

Going back to my question. How happy are you? You don't have to admit to me your darkest fears, or your self esteem trials, although admitting them to yourself is always the first step in recovery. A good indicator of harboring ill feelings would be to ask yourself a series of questions like, Am I irritable often? Do I target these irritable notions towards other people? Do I bring people down, either verbally or with thoughts?  Am I jealous by nature? Do I envy others' successes? Do I talk about other people's failures, more than my own? Do I spread untrue remarks? Do I make more complaints than compliments a day? If others got to pick what my grave stone would say, would I want to read it? How often do I blame others for my feelings? Do you often feel an overpowering sense of panic or that your life is out of control?

I want to pose a challenge that may help you discover your true level of contentment. It will pertain to male and female, any age, and any race. You can take it or leave it.

1. If you had to pack a small carry on bag of belongings and leave, abandoning everything you ever owned, what would you take? I want you to try using only these items for a week and log your feelings. How happy did you feel? What did you miss and why? Or what did you discover you could live without?

2. How insecure are you with your physical looks?
A.I want you to go a week without any make up or hair tools or product. Go about your daily routine, work, grocery, gym. Find natural ways to present yourself, especially if you have a professional job. If you must accentuate your appearance for work, then try to at least go minimal. No adornments, like jewelry, acrylic nails, fake eyelashes. Wear only mascara and a simple pony tail. Men, drop your grooming regimen. Log your feelings. How happy were you? What did you miss and why? Or what did you realize you enjoy about being more bare?
B.If you're trying to lose weight, I challenge you to eat a health conscious, 2000 calories a day, exercise 30 min a day, for a week straight. Don't look at pictures of women with different height, structure, age, and bone density. See a nutritionist about what a realistic BMI is for YOU as an individual. Go to a meeting with other people who want to lose weight. Make short term and long term goals to reach this realistic image, and log your feelings at the end of the week.
Hint. We can't all be Cindy Crawford. The diet industry is one of the most crooked. There is no cure all fitness plan. Every body is a different organism and will function that way. Comparing yourself to other body types will only damage your self esteem. In addition, if you don't need to lose weight and are trying, attend meetings about eating disorders. You may suffer from body dysmorphia.
C. If you're trying to gain weight, repeat step B.
D. If image is everything to you, I challenge you to wear a simple neutral color t shirt and jeans for a week, paired with one pair of shoes. If your work requires you to wear business attire, try the same color pants, shirt, (and tie). Document how people receive you, if it's different, better, worse.  Log your feelings at the end of the week.

3. How relevant is the vehicle you drive to your social status? I challenge you to substitute your car for biking or walking whenever possible. If you have a so called junk car, drive that instead. If you have a grocery within a couple blocks, try going more frequently for less, and walk to and from. If you have to drive to work, try not exceeding the speed limit, make an effort to let people pass you, or lane change in front of you, etc. Monitor your road rage (ha ha)  log your feelings at the end of the week and remember, the majority of the world's population can't afford a car.

4. Do you lack a sense of purpose in life? I challenge you to read the book A Purpose Driven Life, if you're of a Christian based faith. If you're agnostic or atheist, go on a little journey. A physical journey to a place where you feel peaceful and calm, and then take a mental journey into a state of meditation. For both parties: Ask yourself what you really want to get out of life. What do you want to accomplish and achieve? What can you realistically do to succeed in this? Make short term and long term goals. Realize you are the only person who can take you there. You cannot rely on others to make it happen. Log your feelings at the end of the week.

5. Is there something causing you residual pain? If this pain is a person, or an act caused by a person, first make an effort to forgive them as we all make mistakes~ and there's a high chance you're on someone's Shit list too~ Then find means for restitution. If they didn't mean to hurt you, it is up to you to get over it. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. This is the most difficult. If they did try to hurt you, you must still follow these steps, but you have the right to mistrust and avoid the person until you feel safe. In either case, this week I challenge you to do something nice for the person that hurt you. Buy them a slurpee or leave them treats. Do it! Regardless of how pissed you are. Try to accomplish as much of this as possible within a week. Log your progress.

6. For any other hardship or disappointment or dissatisfaction, I challenge you to do some research on a third world country. I want you to read about their government, their freedoms, their society. Then I want you to pick an organization within this country, whether it be a charity, a school, or a hospital, and donate to it. You can donate clothing, food, money. Log all of this in a journal, and write down your feelings at the end of the week.

7. If you suffer from an addiction, you probably don't know it. If you do, I challenge you to Google an Addiction Recovery program in your city. They are everywhere and everyday at almost every hour. And they're free usually. Attend one. Participate. And interact with the other addicts there. Go home and log your feelings.

It is so hard to acknowledge the fact that we are in charge of our own happiness. Our demeanor is not solidly based on those around us. While they can influence our mood, it is our choice to let it permanently affect us. It is easy to blame others, or look for quick fixes, then it is to uncover the sting and ache of our unhappiness. We would rather compare ourselves to others and hate people for having what we do not, and lusting after what appears to be their joy. Don't be fooled by appearances. It is textbook denial to overtly express exuberance, and paint a picture of a perfect world.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with a positive attitude. It has to start somewhere. But happiness is more than faking it. Take the challenges above and discover more about yourself then you ever knew possible. You may be surprised how many times you are complimented when you go out without makeup, and stylish hair and clothing. You may find inner peace with your body, or even get in better shape with all the biking and walking instead of driving a few blocks to a neighbor's house. You may be surprised at how blessed you are, and find a renewed sense of gratitude when studying countries that have so much less than we do. You may be surprised how unhappy you've been living, and look forward to a fuller life in the days to come!

Check out my blog posts on Bloglovin 💛
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12709219/?claim=fy45arkvyru">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>